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Monday, March 23, 2009

MIL & Me

So I know that you all were shocked that MIL was going to DC with us. I was a little worried that she would drive me nuts! However, before we left I told myself that I was going to wipe the slate clean and try to revive our relationship.

Here is what I learned...

1. When MIL has the chance to spend time with Manga Dork...she wants me GONE!

2. She has no desire to do anything with me...just the 2 of us.

3. When I want to go do something under the perfect circumstances...she will turn me down. If given the chance to do the same thing under imperfect circumstances with Dr. Hubby...she will go without hesitation.

4. She can not go a day without talking to my SIL. Their phone conversations are alot more comfortable than ours.

I gave it a fair chance...I was so glad when we came home and she went to her house. I was sad...I had high expectations.

I invited her to go this weekend with my mom and I to the Scrapbook Expo...she told someone the other day that she felt good that my mom wanted her to go...my mom didn't even know I asked her. It was like she didn't want to acknowledge that I had invited her.

She has turned me down 3 times since the trip to go do things. When do I just throw up my hands and give up?!


Cherie said...

I can relate scrappy. I also have in-laws who just don't give a ding dong no matter what I have done. I tried very hard for years and years with no acknowledgement so I finally just quit working so hard.

I am still nice, cordial, send a Christmas card etc...but I learned that no matter how nice you are you cannot make someone be nice. It is their problem.

Since I quit trying so hard I am alot happier and I spend time with people (my parents, sibling, friends, etc...) who actually want to be around me and appreciate me. I don't waste my time trying to please people who cannot be pleased.

Good luck! And I am so sorry because it is not a good feeling no matter what.

Dana and Daisy said...

I think she is playing you girlfriend. Don't give her the power over your emotions.

Is the SIL her daughter or is she married to your hubbies brother?

Scrappy Girl said...

My SIL is married to hubby's brother.

Sondra said...

Well that is just sad. I guess we were right to worry about her going on the trip with you. At least you tried - what more can you do??

I just can't imagine how hard it is to have her living so close. To have to deal with the cold shoulder all the time is a huge load to carry.

Are you doing OK or does it really bother you? I'm sorry that you have to deal with a MIL who doesn't even try to enjoy all you have to offer. I guess it is her loss because you are just plain terrific!

We love you and love your blog. You are a wonderful Mom and very creative. Just know that we are here to lift each other up - that is the great thing about blogging. Take care!

Jan the crazy lady said...


I am so sorry you have to just keep this up. I can't believe how she just doesn't get it. I just hope that someday, she can come to understand and appreciate you for trying. I don't know if that will be possible, but we can hope.

Once again, sorry.

DV- Rebecca L. said...

that bites- and not in a good, Edward way.
Maybe you r looking at this wrong- maybe she is soooo intimidated by your awesomeness that she is too insecure to be alone with you. Stop making her feel uncomfortable and leave her alone, just remind her when you see her what an great son she raised.
I have had 2 MIL's and I have never measured up either time. I am fine with that. Smile, MIL's are just little girls trapped in an old body. She isn't any wiser than the rest of us. *hugs*

Lisa Loo said...

I am so sorry that this nightmare continues!! I don't know how you keep giving her another chance??!! But the above is right--there has to be some good in her somewhere--she raised the man you love! Good luck!

The Momster said...

Oh yuck! At least you gave it your best effort - like it's been said by Cherie, some people (no matter how hard we try) just don't like us. I don't get those people though. I think they all should be shipped off to an abandoned island in the middle of some unnamed ocean just so we don't have to deal with them.
Hate that she is so cordial with your SIL...that's just salt in the wound. I only hope that Dr. Hubby is aware of the situation and took note how you tried with his mom while in DC.....

whoopsadasie said...

Scrappy, you've gotten some great advice from the others. You have to just let it go and accept that is the way your relationship will be. Unfortunately that is a hard thing...if if you to, you will be so much happier! ♥♥♥ & (((hugs)))

Manga Dork said...


DesertHen said...

I think MIL likes to keep your emotions all stirred up...she knows how to get to you and she knows that! You have been nice, friendly, etc....but she has to make the choice to accept that and be nice back and so far she hasn't. Just me talking here, but I think she is jealous of you...you have Dr.Hubby and she lost her control over him. Some women are very insecure, even when it comes to their own children and they just can't ever let anyone else in. My MIL was like this for years and years....it only took me 15 plus years to win her over...kind of!

Hang in there and don't worry about MIL....Just take care of you and know in your heart that you have done all the right things...the rest is up to MIL.


tammy said...

Maybe we should try swithing MIL's for awhile and see if that works better for us. The only reason I don't post about mine is because she reads my blog.

Mechelle said...

I had such a hard time with my MIL until I gave up. I stopped caring and things got lots better. Now I enjoy her a lot but that had taken over 20 years. I am just saying there is hope.


Mechelle said...

btw, I think it is hard to just stop caring. It was not something I did on purpose, I was just trying really hard and she said one unkind thing too many and it was that old straw on the camels back. That was it for me. m

CJ, the Purple Diva said...

WOW, what a woman! YOU that is!
Your MIL is so lucky to have a DIL like you-you are trying to be nice at every turn. She is the one who looses.

Try to not let what she does affect who you are inside. You be the wonder person you are and let her come to you!

So sorry you have to keep dealing with this.