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Monday, July 28, 2008

Not Prepared...Not Prepared At All!

I published today's first post while Foster Son was at therapy with his social worker. Thank you to everyone for your comments.


When Foster Son got home I had him go make his bed and I stopped his social worker from going out the door. I asked her how things were going on their side of this. She said they have a family in mind (And they really sound great) and that when Dr. Therapist told Foster Son he was a little sad...WHAT!? I was so shocked! I had no clue that she was going to tell him today. I thought we were waiting til Aug. 5th when I took him to therapy. OMGoodness, I freaked out. She was actually going to walk out that door without telling me that they told him.


I wasn't prepared to deal with this yet. I expected to be there to go through it with him. I wanted to support him and explain things to him. Argh. I haven't even thought through what I want to say to him. I want to spare his feelings as much as possible.



So after she left I went and talked to Foster Son. He was being strong and was getting choked up a little. I explained that Dr. Hubby and I love him alot, but that we had decided to not foster parent anymore. We talked about the possible new adventures he would be experiencing. I had him smiling. It is still going to be hard, but I think he will be ok. The new family they are looking at sounds great. He has come SO far and I think he will continue to blossom in a better matched home. The hardest is yet to come though...(moving out)

10 comments:

Frumpy Luv said...

Holy hannah this seems like such a difficult situation. I haven't been able to read any blogs yet today, so just got #1 and #2 at the same time - this seems so heartbreaking!!! I CANNOT believe the therapist told him without consulting with you and without knowing what your wishes or plans were. And that she mentioned it offhand like, how totally crazy!!!!

So so so sorry your whole family (including foster son) has to go through this. I hope this new family is a perfect fit for him and that he can find what he is looking for. This seems so hard!!!

Working Mom said...

i tried looking on your profile for an email address b/c i wanted to write you privately but i couldn't find one. i know this subject is one of the hardest on earth and opinions fly like this place is an airport! i just wanted you to know that since i read your earlier post this afternoon i have been thinking about you and foster son. while i VERY MUCH admire you and your family for fostering, i can't help but think of the poor little guy and how he must feel. for whatever reason his birth parents didn't/couldn't keep him, and that has to be a lot of his problem, and now he's going from foster home to foster home...please don't think i am dogging you in ANY WAY - you've only had him 1 year and he's 8 so he's obviously been in other homes...it just breaks my heart that there are situations like this out there. i don't mean to make it harder on you, and i know he probably will come away with a lot from being a part of your family. it just makes me so sad that there are children out there who don't know the love that i knew growing up, and that my kids know now. again, i'm sorry, maybe i shouldn't have let all this out....i really do admire your strength, and especially for recognizing it wasn't the right fit for him and you all. just know that you all are in my prayers.

Scrappy Girl said...

Working Mom...this was a VERY hard decision. We adopted our 2 babies AND I was adopted too.

This has torn my heart into pieces. I wish with everything in me that it would have worked out differently.

It kills me to think of him having to go to another home. I wanted him to know that he didn't do anything wrong. I wanted him to know that we love him. I put the blame for this on me. He has lived in 3 foster homes (including us)and with his birthmom. The good thing is that this next home sounds VERY promising. It is very close to what he has described as a perfect home for him. I pray it works out. Plus it is only a couple miles from us. He will be at the same school, same school bus, and Dr. Hubby will more than likely be his family doctor. We plan to still be in his life.

Manga Dork went from being an only child to one of four children in under 2 years. This was hard on her. She has been a trooper the whole time, but she just couldn't find her place with Foster Son. When told we were going to keep him she would burst into tears. I just couldn't ignore that.

No offense taken to what you wrote because it is everything we have already thought of. It is fine to write to me here.

Scrappy Girl said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
MERRIANNE said...

wow! it will all be ok. you have done your part and the Lord will take care of him :)

Jan said...

That is so not fair to your family and most certainly him. I am so very sorry that it happened this way. It would have been so much better the other way.

I really hope he continues to take it well as he can. You are doing a great job. Hang in there, and it will turn out fine.

Working Mom said...

you really owed me no explanation, but thank you! while it's no one's business but yours, i do feel better now knowing that he will still be a part of your lives and close by. i really didn't want to sound like i was dogging you in any way, just expressing how hard it must be for you all....God does everything according to His plan, and if this is what you felt compelled to do, then that must be part of the plan! Please keep us posted on him in the future!! Will you be allowed to post pics after he moves since he will no longer be your foster child? i'm sure everyone would love to "meet" him finally!

COMcewens said...

I cant believe she was going to walk out the door with out telling you she told him!!!

There are no words that will help, it is going to be a tough day. Thinking about you

Mechelle said...

This is the hard part. But if you make it seem alright, he will. Kids pick up on how we are feeling and how we handle situations and that is how they handle them. Good luck. I am thinking of you. m

da Bergs said...

TOUGH situation! Can't believe she wasnt going to tell YOU that she told him!!! BUT, sounds like you did a great job... getting him to laugh etc... SO glad that the fam they have in mind for him sounds GREAT!!!